So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
Randomize
