You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
Randomize
