all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
Randomize
