what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
Randomize