ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
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