I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
Randomize
