Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
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