my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
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