we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
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