JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
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