you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
Randomize
