Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
I murdered the dance floor call the cops
please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
Randomize
