I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
Randomize
