Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
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