just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
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