This dress was meant to end up on your floor
Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
There r osticjed everywhere
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
Randomize
