You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
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