Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
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