My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
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