is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
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