im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
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