btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
Oh well. haha. i couldn't really understand what she was saying. i just nodded a lot. i guesss she found that sexy.
gotta love spring break
gotta love slutty girls from the south
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
Randomize
