heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
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