I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
You are a genius and a whore.
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