I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
Randomize
