If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
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