i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
