angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
I have post one night stand depression
Randomize
