I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
Randomize
