there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
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