Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
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