It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
Randomize
