you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
She needs sedatives and a leash
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
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