got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
Randomize
