hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
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