Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
Randomize
