I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
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