bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
This couple is walking their pig around campus
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
Randomize
