That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Randomize
