i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
Randomize
