She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
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