Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
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