Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Randomize