i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
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