You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
Randomize
