I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
Randomize
