Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
Randomize
