How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
