Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
Randomize
