When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
There's a naked man in my car right now.
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
Randomize
