Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
Randomize
