I murdered the dance floor call the cops
1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
I love having hate sex.
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
Randomize
