Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
Randomize