Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
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