why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
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