I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
Randomize
