He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
Randomize
