some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
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