What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
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