You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
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