If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
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