I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
Randomize
