Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
Randomize
