Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
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