I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
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