he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
Randomize
