Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
Randomize
