"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
Randomize
