I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
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