i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
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