she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
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