new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
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