You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
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