no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
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