So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
Randomize