playing new game: drink everytime u see someone at the beach with a tramp stamp, double if u guess it before u see it, triple for male tramp stamps
warning: blackouts possible when playing in ocean city or anywhere in new jersey
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
Oh well. haha. i couldn't really understand what she was saying. i just nodded a lot. i guesss she found that sexy.
gotta love spring break
gotta love slutty girls from the south
This is the prime rib incident all over again
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
Randomize
