Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
Randomize
