so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
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