I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
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