Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
Randomize
