she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
Randomize