I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
Tornado booty call.. dedication
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
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