If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Randomize