everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
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