Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
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