were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
