nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
you never un-have a 4some
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
Randomize
