What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
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