Non-Jews are for practice
I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
Edward fifth and chaser hands
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
Randomize
