I only want to know people that are dynamic intelligent and totally insane
i'm signing you up for texting rehab
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
Randomize
