that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
lol hangovers are for mortals.
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
please don't ironically join a cult
Randomize
