You can't motorboat a personality
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
Randomize
