i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
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