spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
Randomize
